The "Sanctity" of Marriage

An online friend of mine announced her engagement today. I am very happy for her. In her blog she mentioned that she didn’t want a big church wedding, but still wanted a nice wedding. Her comment got me to thinking; when did society change? When did weddings become a huge over-the-top event? Do couples really believe that the more lavish the wedding the better the marriage? Surely these couples have better things to spend their money on than giant weddings.

Like I told my friend, the wedding does not define the marriage. You could have the most lavish wedding on the planet or simply stand before a judge in jeans and a t-shirt; just look at Prince Charles and Princess Diana. Either way, what will ultimately define your marriage will be how you are as a couple.

Some people say that coming from a divorced family makes you more susceptible to divorce. With the divorce rate skyrocketing, I don’t think coming from parents who didn’t divorce makes you any more likely to stay married longer.

Take, for example, my dad’s family. My dad’s parents were married for over 50 years. They had nine children. Each of those nine children has been married for over 20 years. Only one of them has been divorced. The oldest of the nine was divorced after 25 years of marriage. Both of their daughters are also divorced. My own brother is divorced, and our parents have been married for 37 years. I have a couple of other divorced cousins from my dad’s side of the family as well.

What does this all prove? Well, nothing really. But, it does show that it doesn’t matter who your parents are or what kind of wedding you had, you are just as susceptible as the next person. One thing all of the above relationships had in common is that they were all rocky from the very start.

Marriage can be a wonderful thing. But if the relationship is strained beforehand, going through the ceremony isn’t going to change anything. The relationship is going to continue to be strained. If you are willing to put up with your partner’s faults before marriage, then you should be willing to put up with them after marriage. Do not expect your partner to suddenly become a better person just because you had the $60,000 wedding. I can assure you, they aren’t going to change a bit. Whoever they were before the marriage is who they will be after the ceremony.